indy tutorials: how to win a twitter fight

I've never felt qualified to give advice of any sort on anything unrelated to one direction. I might not have a good sense of judgement, I might actually believe that tupac is alive (don't fight me on this) and maybe I take my advice from fortune cookies. So yeah, why should you listen to me?

because I am an expert in this profession.

the profession of embarrassing myself on the internet. take a look.

do we have an understanding? that I am an embarrassment to my generation? okay moving on.

I've been in my fair share of twitter wars and while exhilarating, and fulfilling as they can be...

i've grown tired. I have decided to share my knowledge and pass down the crown to one of you innocent readers. I will expose (from experience) what to say, what NOT to say, and by the end of my masterclass YOU will be transformed into a witty, sass monster, ready to drag anyone who enters your mentions unwelcomed.

Turn your trigger fingers into twitter fingers with these easy steps!

let's get started!

CHAPTER 1:

IS IT ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY?

I have put together a helpful list so you can decide for yourself when you should engage an f boi, or when its best to just keep scrolling. 

STEP 1:
WHEN YOU SHOULD NOT GET YOURSELF INVOLVED:

- politics

WHEN YOU SHOULD GET YOURSELF INVOLVED:

- topics regarding zayn malik leaving one direction - just trust me on this.
(HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A FANGIRL SCORNED)

STEP 2: SUBTWEETS
with that being said, if someone subtweets you, it's best to put on your big girl panties and throw down, versus waiting 7-14 business days to reply. (looking at you meek)

but it's also best to MAKE SURE the subtweet is actually about you.

YIKES.

and if you are the "subtweeter" then JUST @ THEM ALREADY

CHAPTER 2: 

SO YOU STARTED A TWITTER FIGHT

you little risky thing, you! congrats! welcome. there's drinks in that mini fridge over there.

STEP 3: OPENING STATEMENTS

You want to make sure your first tweet in which you are doing the "calling out" is your strongest tweet of the night. this tweet should generate at least 14 retweets, and roughly 25 favorites within the first 4 1/2 minutes of publish. this is your "shots fired" tweet. you only get ONE SHOT baby, make it count.

here are some of the hall of famers:

Amanda Bynes. an American treasure.

poor drake. drizzy we love you. you're just an easy target. sorry beb.

STEP 4: KNOW YOUR OPPONENT

while you're patiently awaiting the reply, take this time to do some proper research and gather yourself. I always like to do a quick background check, maybe dive into their old facebook archives to retrieve some unflattering pictures, find out their life stories, date of birth, social security number, simple stuff like that.

CHAPTER 3:

THINK BEFORE YOU TWEET

woah! your competitor isn't holding back! SOS! What do we do?

the more important question is what DON'T we do?

STEP 5: THINGS TO AVOID WHEN THE ROAST STARTS HEATING UP

+ DON'T correct their grammar. everyone will hate you. automatic loss. warm up the bus. season ending. benched forever.

+DON'T get personal. we as innocent spectators do not need to know how "your family has always been there for her so how dare she!!"

+DON'T get your boyfriend/girlfriend/family involved. (mom, seriously. i can fight my own battles!!!) 

+ and most importantly, DON'T CALL NAMES!

unless it's "chlamydia boy"

CHAPTER 4: 

SO YOU'RE LOSING A TWITTER FIGHT

when the squad doesn't back you up like you expected and you're just like

STEP 6: THE LAST RESORT

at this point, your pride is hurting, the ground beneath you is shaking and youre debating deleting your twitter all together and becoming a nun. but I did not fail you, sweet, sweet child. go back to chapter 2: step 4.

UNLEASH THE FACEBOOK PICTURES.

this is really your last option. and because I'm practically america's sweetheart at this point, I might as well take it a step further and give you some help if you and I ever get into some twitter drama.

feel free to use this against me. I gave you permission. 

CHAPTER 5:

SO THE FACEBOOK PICTURE THING WORKED AND YOU ACTUALLY WON THE TWITTER FIGHT

So, you almost lost a twitter fight! Phew! That was scary!

however our work here is not over. how do we clean up the mess? while some would, apologize:

some might, unfollow everyone in the process:

Whatever your method of redemption is, there is one last and final rule.

STEP 7:

DO NOT DELETE YOUR TWEETS.

even if you were SLAIN with no dignity left. those who leave up their tweets after a bloodbath for the rest of the world to enjoy, they are the backbone of our nation.

and with that, I will let you go. I have done my best to prepare you and i wish you all the best.  The real world is a tough place. be strong, and drag with honor.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!!!
xo indy

september favorites

GUYS. I would be a good blogger. If blogging was as easy and fulfilling as holding john travoltas high note in "summer nights."

 whatever. Im back and it's going down.

september is the chillest month. It makes me want to slam dunk a pumpkin and cuddle up in 10 knit blankets while drinking a cup of freaking hot chocolate and don't you dare roll your eyes because I know i'm not alone here. unfortunately its still 80 degrees outside and not even my 4 apple cider candles can convince me it's fall. but i'm waiting anxiously because just like every other teenage girl in the world. fall is my favorite time of year.

despite my disappointment that its still too hot to wear sweaters, i'm celebrating September anyways and sharing my current favorite things. i'll try and do this every month, you know... if im not too busy taking naps and stuff.

man, i have to start making these intro's shorter.

+ FASHION

lets start with fashion week... aka the longest week of the year where i am reminded at every turn that my legs do not look like kendall jenner's. 

what models are good at: walking in a straight line, eyebrows, being rich

things i'm good at: refreshing the NYFW snapchat story every 3 minutes, while crying into a pint of ice cream. all jokes aside, i live and BREATHE fashion week. here are my favorite looks:

Rachel Zoe the boho queen killed it with this modern/gypsy line and I was drooling.

the diane von furstenburg show was dreamy af

the tommy finale was basically ICONIC. a swimming pool for a catwalk? gigi hadid leading a pack of bikini models? are we being serious right now?

but THIS. was my favorite look of the whole week. LONG LIVE QUEEN GIGI

+ SEPTEMBER STYLE ICON

Marcia. Brady.

 With her long blonde hair, barbie legs, and love for turtle necks and tube skirts... she's essentially my all time girl crush.

A-line skirts are everything. I got mine here

+ MUSIC

if you ever see me head banging and shoulder dancing in my car... i'm probably jamming to some of these:

 

+ ALBUMS THAT CAN HANG

Drake & Future // What A Time To Be Alive
one thing we all need to come to terms with is that this is drake's world and we are all just living in it.

Lana Del Rey // Honeymoon
basically the sound of angels weeping... im still freaking out.

Ryan Adams // 1989
 Ryan Adam's spin on swiftys latest album. IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL THINGS. acoustic versions already make me feel some type a way this time of year but THIS. Its like a slowed down, heart breaking version of 1989 and its flawless. It has sort of "The Smiths" vibe. it will make you want to sit on a windowsill and watch the rainfall while you set fire to love letters of boyfriends past.

check out "Style" and "Out Of The Woods" 

+THIS MONTHS THROWBACK

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS. you guys have to understand I grew up on nickelodeon. Eliza Thornberry was my hero, and Tommy Pickles was my celebrity crush. So when I found out that nickelodeon is launching a new network where they only show 90's cartoons......... I went into cardiac arrest. 

ALSO?!?!?!?!?!??!?! I've been shipping chase and zoey before I even knew what shipping was... and if you havent been living under a rock, you've probably seen THIS.

this video is everything I stand for.

Anyways, i just remembered its been 3 months since i've read harry potter so I have to go.
Love you all.
xo